Limits

This blog has been quite dormant lately.  I would apologize, but that seems rather pointless as it's my blog and I can do whatever I want with it (nyeh!).  Life has been very busy, so my time to write has been rather limited, and typically reserved for school.  For the last year, I have been working two part time jobs, doing seminary online, and trying my best to keep up with the family at home.  While there have definitely been times I have failed at one or more of those, overall I think I've done a pretty good job balancing everything.  At least, I did.  About two months ago, all of that changed.

In mid-July I began to have some physical issues.  It started with just some fatigue and malaise, but quickly progressed to muscle fatigue and shakiness.  I have had similar episodes in my life, but this one was different.  Usually, if I just stretched and engaged my muscles with a brisk hike or something, everything would work out and I'd be fine.  This time, it didn't work.  I tried to go for a hike, but had to give up about 10 minutes in, because my legs just didn't feel like they could keep up much longer.

After a week of this, I called my doctor.  He ran some tests and the only thing that came back was an indicator for an autoimmune disorder (recently made famous by Venus Williams), so he referred me to a rheumatologist.  In the mean time, I began experiencing more pain and aching, especially in my joints.  The rheumatologist reran all the tests and added a few others.  Everything came back negative.  Which is good and bad.  Good: I don't have an autoimmune disorder that might knock me down unexpectedly for the rest of my life.  Bad: There's no medical reason for what was happening.

After informing us of the results, the doctor asked if there was much stress in our lives.  At which Christie and I chuckled wryly.  Guess that should have been a clue.  Apparently, my body feels that a year of working 65 hours a week, going to seminary, and keeping up with 4 children under the age of 5 is just a little too much.  It has reached its limit.  I have used up the reserve that I was always able to draw on before.

So now I have to regroup and figure out how to better deal with stress in my life.  I've never considered myself to be an energetic person, but I have usually kept busy and dealt with stress pretty well.  Although I have been known to push the limits more than once, as I'm sure my parents will attest to.  Christie (who has had her share of stress-related health concerns over the last few months, as well) and I are trying to reexamine what we are doing to better cope with the stress of life.

Of course, in the midst of this time of evaluation, Dominic broke his arm and Christie broke her leg.  I am also in the process of transitioning from one job to another (more on that later).  I have decided to take a break from school for a bit.  I may go back for the second sub-term this fall, or just take the fall off altogether.  We shall see how my body reacts to the next few weeks here.

It will be interesting as we move forward from here to see how God uses this to shape us.  Right now, every time I have a bad night's sleep, I feel it.  The muscle feel tired.  The energy store I once had is now gone.  Now I am truly dependent on God more often than not to just make it through the day.  I once wrote a line for a play, "Some times you have to come to the end of yourself before you can see God."  Why, oh why, do I have to live out the things I write?

Update

So.

It has been a ridiculously long time since I posted anything. This is primarily due to the fact that since my last post much has happened (quickly searches Edit Posts tab to ascertain said date). To run down a list of some of the things that have happened: I started seminary, climbed a 14K mountain, and started two new jobs; the boys turned 4, we celebrated the holidays with family and friends, and the babies turned 1.

Those are just a few of the highlights. I've probably missed a few things, but those are some that stick out to me. As you can see, life has kind of been flipped on its head for me. Two jobs and seminary has left me with little creative energy to write, so the blog has suffered, though I've been feeling a little creative surge of late. My poor hiking blog was just getting rolling when everything went crazy. Oh well, such is life!

Now to step back a bit and lay out the details of some of the things that have happened.

My last post mentioned that I had been without work for nearly a year. Well, almost a year to the day from leaving my previous job, two new job opportunities came up. The first was working as a caregiver for a friend of ours who is confined to a wheelchair. I drive him to school (he's a teacher) and to therapy appointments and such. It leaves me with a significant amount of free time during the school day, which is terribly convenient because my second job is leading worship for Ventura Community Church, just a few miles away from the school. It also gives me some big chunks of time to work on seminary. God definitely has His own way of doing things!

It is great to finally have work, especially in ministry, but it hasn't all been easy. THe way things are, I'm working about 65 hours a week, most of that time away from my family. It has been a hard adjustment for all of us. I miss seeing the kids and being there to help Christie out when needed. Christie misses the help, and the kids miss me. Thankfully, our parents have been able to step up to help us out in many ways.

Adjusting to a new church has also been trying at times. This is the first time I have ever started at a church in a leadership position. I grew up at Bethany before getting into ministry there. At Camarillo, I gradually became more involved in worship ministry, and was never on staff. With Ventura, I led worship my first Sunday, and didn't have a Sunday where I wasn't leading until December.

It has also been tough for the family adjusting to a new church. We were really starting to connect and feel a part of Camarillo. We have still been able to be a part of some fun events there since, but Ventura is now our church home. It is also a significant drive (about 30 minutes) which makes it a little tougher to feel like a part of the community. We've had our ups and downs, but we are definitely beginning to connect more with people.

All in all, it has been a crazy ride. The journey is still not over, but God has already done some extraordinary things. Some day we hope to sit down and write out all the incredible ways that God has moved during this crazy journey. In the meantime, Christie is working on updating the Dublets blog. Check back for more updates (hopefully!).