As I shared earlier, I am in the midst of a big transition. Leaving one job and searching for another is always stressful and difficult. The uncertainties can be very tough on a family. But that isn't even the half of the craziness of our lives right now.

A few weeks after I started the process of leaving my current job and searching for a new one, we found out that Christie is pregnant. Naturally, that raised the stress level significantly. Then, at her first doctor's visit, where her doctor emphatically declared that he had never had back to back spontaneous twins, we discovered that we are indeed expecting our second set of twins.

Any one of these things brings an immense amount of stress. Put them all together, and I'm not exactly sure what emotions I'm feeling.

I'm excited to have two more on the way and to see where God is leading me in my career.

I'm terrified to think of how dramatically our lives are going to change and don't know whether I'll be able to handle it.

I'm overwhelmed by God's opinion of Christie and I and our ability to handle not one but two sets of twins.

I'm exhausted thinking of all the details that need to fall into place in a short time.

I'm anxious about a lot of unanswered questions. Are we going to have to move? Will the boys be potty-trained before the next set arrives? Are we going to be able to find affordable healthcare if I don't find a job right away? Will I ever get to spend time with my wife again? Am I going to have a scrap of sanity left?

But above all, I know that God will provide. He always has and He always will. This song has been rolling around in my head all morning:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases
His mercies never come to an end
They are new every morning, new every morning
Great is Thy faithfulness, o Lord
Great is Thy faithfulness

Which is inspired by Lamentations 3:21-23:

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

If Jeremiah can write of God's love and faithfulness while watching Jerusalem burn to the ground, I think I can rest on His love and faithfulness as well.

As part of my job search, many churches want to see some video of prospective worship leaders in action. So here goes. I led worship on Sunday, June 28 at Bethany. I crafted the worship set to start out with a reading from Psalm 148 which led to a 3-song set of praise then we had announcements, followed by an offering song. After the sermon, we did thee more songs that took us from a reflective attitude to a joyful sending. This video is only the first set. I will be posting the other songs as soon as technology allows me.

Those of you who periodically check in on my blog may have noticed that I have not posted much of late. While I have been posting a few things here and there about movies and whatnot, my posts about life and other things have been somewhat scarce. This is because I have been working through a lot of things that I was not yet ready to share. The biggest of which is my future in ministry.

For much of the past year, I have been looking toward the future and asking God where He is leading me. It has been a difficult and lengthy process. For the last five years, I have been the Student Ministry Director at Bethany Church on the Hill here in Thousand Oaks. Bethany is also the church that my family and I have attended for the last twenty years. It has been a huge part of my spiritual development. It has been a place that I have loved and served in many ways.

But over the last year or so, I have begun to wonder if this is where I am meant to be; whether or not my future in ministry is with teenagers or something else. I never really pictured myself being a youth pastor my entire career, but I wasn't sure what else I would want to do. So I began to ask God.

I wish I could say everything was simple and easy, but that would be a lie. This last year has been one of the most difficult of my life. Dealing with my own questions and doubts while simultaneously being confronted with a lot of criticism and adversity, all while trying to balance my family and ministry, left me drained in many ways.

Throughout this trying time, though, there were many bright spots. I had many opportunities to develop new relationships with students and enjoy some wonderful times just being with them. I also had the opportunity to produce a play that I wrote, along with two original songs, at our Christmas dinner theater. And I have enjoyed many wonderful moments with my boys and my wife.

Soon, I began to sense a growing discontentedness with my current situation. I felt more and more that I wanted to devote more time to music and theater and other media. I still loved my students and enjoyed the time together, but the actual running of the ministry became less and less joyful. Too often I felt that I was working out of my weaknesses, with little time to enjoy my strengths.

And so, a couple months ago, as I was just talking to God, I felt a definite answer. It is time for me to move on. I have enjoyed my time at Bethany, and more than anything I want to see the church and my students grow and thrive, but God laid it on my heart that it is no longer my job. It was not an easy realization, nor a happy one. But if I want my students to follow God's leading in their lives, I must do the same.

So now I am stepping out in faith. I know that it is time to move on to something new. I know that where I am is no longer where I need to be. But I have no idea what the next step is going to look like. I will be stepping down from my current position at the end of August and am trusting that God will take care of me. I am actively pursuing a job as a full time worship pastor or similar position, but, as yet, I do not have another job. I am terrified, excited, and whole mix of other emotions. But I know that, ultimately, it is in God's hands.

I just saw the laziest movie I have seen in a long time. Not that I was expecting anything more than a fun action flick, but this was the perfect example of why so many sequels go bad. Transformers 2 had all the incredible special effects and mayhem you would expect from a summer blockbuster, but the producers should be ashamed of their pathetic effort in filmmaking.

The overall plot could have been so much more, but instead the history of the transformers get a brief mention and is given very little importance to the actual plot. The characters were flat and uninspiring. And the biggest bummer of all for me was how much they focused on the humans rather than the interesting story of the transformers themselves. Sure Sam is living every geek's dream, and Megan Fox is pretty, but if that's all they wanted to make the movie about, why bother having the transformers. Aside from Optimus Prime and Bumblebee, most of the transformers aren't distinguishable enough from each other to even care about them. The big bad guy, the Fallen, was barely on screen and did not seem all that intimidating when they did show him. Basically, I felt like the whole movie was just a chance to show off a bunch of gaudy special effects and Megan Fox's (and the creepy decepticon femme-bot's) curves.

Then there's the humor. It has to be some of the most juvenile humor I've seen in a movie in a long time. I mean, seriously, how many jokes about male anatomy and dogs (or robots) mounting things before it stops being funny. It's like they couldn't actually think of anything funny, so they just threw a lot of vulgar junk in there to get some cheap laughs. And don't get me started on the twins...

All in all, it was a fun movie, but just could have used a lot more thought in all aspects. It's really sad to see movie-goers rewarding Michael Bay's lazy filmmaking with so much money, but people are easily distracted by big shiny objects on the movie screen.

So, for the few of you out there who actually follow my blog, you will notice I'm trying a new template. I'm still tweaking with it, using my limited, trial-and-error based understanding of html. Not sure why I thought it was time for a change, but just thought I'd like something a little different. Hopefully the style suits my random assortment of thoughts and topics.

Just saw Terminator: Salvation and I'm not quite sure what to make of it. There were some cool scenes and some interesting thoughts and ideas, but I'm still somewhat disappointed. I definitely found it refreshing to get out of the whole time travel rut (and all the obnoxious paradoxes that come from that) and see the actual war against the machines. It was also interesting to see how some of the characters that get mentioned in the previous films came together and who they really are.

I think what left me feeling less than satisfied was a certain pet-peeve of mine when it comes to film distributors. Have you ever watched a preview and thought, "Well, I guess I don't need to watch that movie now," because you just saw everything in the trailer? I had hopes that would not be the case for Terminator, but I was mistaken. They give away the big shocking moment that changes the course of the entire film in the preview. And from that point on, the plot is predictable.

I was also a bit nonplussed with the ending. They have made it clear from the beginning that this was intended to be the beginning of a new trilogy that would show the final showdown between the machines and humans (Matrix anyone?), but by the end, I honestly didn't care about seeing more. I liked the idea that no matter how much meddling the people of the future did in the past, the inexorable march of technology will lead to the mechanized judgment day, and I was initially interested to see this side of the story. But now, I don't know how they can continue to make an interesting story from here on out without being utterly predictable. I think the corner they have backed themselves into is that when technology is the enemy, you have to keep upping the ante with each film. They've done that for 4 films and I don't know that they have anywhere to go.

Anyhoo, just some thoughts. And, of course, an obligatory metal head...

The other day I had an encounter with a lizard. It wasn't anything special, but it did make me think.

I was out for a stroll around the church grounds, and as I turned a lizard froze on the curb in front of me. I took a step back and slowly sat back on my heels to watch. The lizard stayed quite still for a minute or so, and then did something totally unexpected. It actually started scooting toward me. It certainly kept an eye on me, but it seemed to accept my presence and attempted to move on with its existence.

Eventually, I had to move on with my day, but it made me think. Had I simply kept walking, my reptilian friend would have scampered away to find a place to hide. Yet, because I took a step back and let him continue in his own way, he actually approached me. Perhaps he was curious, or perhaps there was a scrumptious looking bug by my left foot. I don't know why, but he came closer to me.

This got me thinking about our relationship to God. So often we want God to come down and show himself and tell us what to do. But if God were to come in all his power and glory, we would be more sacred than lizards in the presence of humans. We would run and hide, trying not to wet ourselves in fear. But instead, God makes us aware of His presence, and then sits back and lets us approach Him. We all have our reasons for approaching (curiosity, scrumptious bugs, whatever floats your boat), but He leaves it in our power to decide. If He wanted to force Himself on us, we would have no ability to resist. But instead, He allows us to retain the small power of our free will.

What an amazing God we have!

Have you ever had so many ideas in your head you don't know where to start?

There are so many things rolling around in my brain right now. New ideas for music. Plans for decorating our house. Visions for ministry. Story lines for scripts. It's all getting a bit jumbled and overwhelming.

The annoying thing is that when I feel like this, instead of pushing forward, I retreat. I feel so overwhelmed, I don't know where to start. So instead of just picking something and going with it, I do nothing, hoping that somehow I'll be told what to do. Maybe it's time to jump in the deep end and see what happens.

Or maybe I'll wait 'til tomorrow...