As we broke from the trees into the clearing the fog enshrouded us, obscuring our vision. We drew closer together, not wanting to be lost in the rapidly swirling fog. The condensation began dripping off our coats. The sound of our voices seemed to stop inches from our faces, while other mysterious sounds echoed ominously. This was where they said we would meet him, but all we found was a wall of mist. As we inched toward the center of the meadow, the massive trees on the other side began to emerge from the veil of fog. Suddenly, the earth began to tremble. It buckled and heaved underneath us as though it were trying to dislodge us from its surface. We clawed at each other, the long grasses around our knees, the ground itself, anything to keep our center. When it stopped, we all looked around, wide-eyed, searching the hidden world around us for any sign of what had happened. As I peered deeply into the fog at the trees nearest us, I couldn't help but feel that we had moved closer. Then it dawned on me: these were not trees.

I recently had the privilege of performing an original song for our church worship service. It has taken me several annoyingly fruitless attempts to get a recording online, but here it is, finally! The song is titled "Where Are You, O God?" and is loosely based on Psalm 22. This is a very raw recording straight off the live mix, so the balance is not what I would like, but I think it gives a pretty fair shake to the song. Performing the song are: Vocals: Lucas Weston, Piano: Markus Loose (wish that part came through a little stronger), Guitar: Tim Fenderson (who I also need to give credit for helping work out a couple problem spots on the chart in rehearsal), Bass: Bryon Josselyn, Drums: Chris Harman (if you can make them out in the way background without a microphone).

She was quite the unpleasantest person we ever had the misfortune of meeting. No one knew why she was so, though frankly none cared too much. Perhaps that explains everything.

Their clamorous cheers fell hollow on his ears. There was a traitor in their midst. Let them celebrate. He must find the one who would betray them all...

Here is the second half of the set from June 28. This set was done after the sermon to help the congregation reflect on what they learned. The sermon was titled "At War With Yourself" and came from Galatians 5 where Paul contrasts the sinful nature and the fruit of the Spirit. The set was intended to focus on the ideas of surrender and purity, ending with a charge to go out and live for Christ.

As I shared earlier, I am in the midst of a big transition. Leaving one job and searching for another is always stressful and difficult. The uncertainties can be very tough on a family. But that isn't even the half of the craziness of our lives right now.

A few weeks after I started the process of leaving my current job and searching for a new one, we found out that Christie is pregnant. Naturally, that raised the stress level significantly. Then, at her first doctor's visit, where her doctor emphatically declared that he had never had back to back spontaneous twins, we discovered that we are indeed expecting our second set of twins.

Any one of these things brings an immense amount of stress. Put them all together, and I'm not exactly sure what emotions I'm feeling.

I'm excited to have two more on the way and to see where God is leading me in my career.

I'm terrified to think of how dramatically our lives are going to change and don't know whether I'll be able to handle it.

I'm overwhelmed by God's opinion of Christie and I and our ability to handle not one but two sets of twins.

I'm exhausted thinking of all the details that need to fall into place in a short time.

I'm anxious about a lot of unanswered questions. Are we going to have to move? Will the boys be potty-trained before the next set arrives? Are we going to be able to find affordable healthcare if I don't find a job right away? Will I ever get to spend time with my wife again? Am I going to have a scrap of sanity left?

But above all, I know that God will provide. He always has and He always will. This song has been rolling around in my head all morning:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases
His mercies never come to an end
They are new every morning, new every morning
Great is Thy faithfulness, o Lord
Great is Thy faithfulness

Which is inspired by Lamentations 3:21-23:

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

If Jeremiah can write of God's love and faithfulness while watching Jerusalem burn to the ground, I think I can rest on His love and faithfulness as well.

As part of my job search, many churches want to see some video of prospective worship leaders in action. So here goes. I led worship on Sunday, June 28 at Bethany. I crafted the worship set to start out with a reading from Psalm 148 which led to a 3-song set of praise then we had announcements, followed by an offering song. After the sermon, we did thee more songs that took us from a reflective attitude to a joyful sending. This video is only the first set. I will be posting the other songs as soon as technology allows me.

Those of you who periodically check in on my blog may have noticed that I have not posted much of late. While I have been posting a few things here and there about movies and whatnot, my posts about life and other things have been somewhat scarce. This is because I have been working through a lot of things that I was not yet ready to share. The biggest of which is my future in ministry.

For much of the past year, I have been looking toward the future and asking God where He is leading me. It has been a difficult and lengthy process. For the last five years, I have been the Student Ministry Director at Bethany Church on the Hill here in Thousand Oaks. Bethany is also the church that my family and I have attended for the last twenty years. It has been a huge part of my spiritual development. It has been a place that I have loved and served in many ways.

But over the last year or so, I have begun to wonder if this is where I am meant to be; whether or not my future in ministry is with teenagers or something else. I never really pictured myself being a youth pastor my entire career, but I wasn't sure what else I would want to do. So I began to ask God.

I wish I could say everything was simple and easy, but that would be a lie. This last year has been one of the most difficult of my life. Dealing with my own questions and doubts while simultaneously being confronted with a lot of criticism and adversity, all while trying to balance my family and ministry, left me drained in many ways.

Throughout this trying time, though, there were many bright spots. I had many opportunities to develop new relationships with students and enjoy some wonderful times just being with them. I also had the opportunity to produce a play that I wrote, along with two original songs, at our Christmas dinner theater. And I have enjoyed many wonderful moments with my boys and my wife.

Soon, I began to sense a growing discontentedness with my current situation. I felt more and more that I wanted to devote more time to music and theater and other media. I still loved my students and enjoyed the time together, but the actual running of the ministry became less and less joyful. Too often I felt that I was working out of my weaknesses, with little time to enjoy my strengths.

And so, a couple months ago, as I was just talking to God, I felt a definite answer. It is time for me to move on. I have enjoyed my time at Bethany, and more than anything I want to see the church and my students grow and thrive, but God laid it on my heart that it is no longer my job. It was not an easy realization, nor a happy one. But if I want my students to follow God's leading in their lives, I must do the same.

So now I am stepping out in faith. I know that it is time to move on to something new. I know that where I am is no longer where I need to be. But I have no idea what the next step is going to look like. I will be stepping down from my current position at the end of August and am trusting that God will take care of me. I am actively pursuing a job as a full time worship pastor or similar position, but, as yet, I do not have another job. I am terrified, excited, and whole mix of other emotions. But I know that, ultimately, it is in God's hands.

I just saw the laziest movie I have seen in a long time. Not that I was expecting anything more than a fun action flick, but this was the perfect example of why so many sequels go bad. Transformers 2 had all the incredible special effects and mayhem you would expect from a summer blockbuster, but the producers should be ashamed of their pathetic effort in filmmaking.

The overall plot could have been so much more, but instead the history of the transformers get a brief mention and is given very little importance to the actual plot. The characters were flat and uninspiring. And the biggest bummer of all for me was how much they focused on the humans rather than the interesting story of the transformers themselves. Sure Sam is living every geek's dream, and Megan Fox is pretty, but if that's all they wanted to make the movie about, why bother having the transformers. Aside from Optimus Prime and Bumblebee, most of the transformers aren't distinguishable enough from each other to even care about them. The big bad guy, the Fallen, was barely on screen and did not seem all that intimidating when they did show him. Basically, I felt like the whole movie was just a chance to show off a bunch of gaudy special effects and Megan Fox's (and the creepy decepticon femme-bot's) curves.

Then there's the humor. It has to be some of the most juvenile humor I've seen in a movie in a long time. I mean, seriously, how many jokes about male anatomy and dogs (or robots) mounting things before it stops being funny. It's like they couldn't actually think of anything funny, so they just threw a lot of vulgar junk in there to get some cheap laughs. And don't get me started on the twins...

All in all, it was a fun movie, but just could have used a lot more thought in all aspects. It's really sad to see movie-goers rewarding Michael Bay's lazy filmmaking with so much money, but people are easily distracted by big shiny objects on the movie screen.