A Big Step

Those of you who periodically check in on my blog may have noticed that I have not posted much of late. While I have been posting a few things here and there about movies and whatnot, my posts about life and other things have been somewhat scarce. This is because I have been working through a lot of things that I was not yet ready to share. The biggest of which is my future in ministry.

For much of the past year, I have been looking toward the future and asking God where He is leading me. It has been a difficult and lengthy process. For the last five years, I have been the Student Ministry Director at Bethany Church on the Hill here in Thousand Oaks. Bethany is also the church that my family and I have attended for the last twenty years. It has been a huge part of my spiritual development. It has been a place that I have loved and served in many ways.

But over the last year or so, I have begun to wonder if this is where I am meant to be; whether or not my future in ministry is with teenagers or something else. I never really pictured myself being a youth pastor my entire career, but I wasn't sure what else I would want to do. So I began to ask God.

I wish I could say everything was simple and easy, but that would be a lie. This last year has been one of the most difficult of my life. Dealing with my own questions and doubts while simultaneously being confronted with a lot of criticism and adversity, all while trying to balance my family and ministry, left me drained in many ways.

Throughout this trying time, though, there were many bright spots. I had many opportunities to develop new relationships with students and enjoy some wonderful times just being with them. I also had the opportunity to produce a play that I wrote, along with two original songs, at our Christmas dinner theater. And I have enjoyed many wonderful moments with my boys and my wife.

Soon, I began to sense a growing discontentedness with my current situation. I felt more and more that I wanted to devote more time to music and theater and other media. I still loved my students and enjoyed the time together, but the actual running of the ministry became less and less joyful. Too often I felt that I was working out of my weaknesses, with little time to enjoy my strengths.

And so, a couple months ago, as I was just talking to God, I felt a definite answer. It is time for me to move on. I have enjoyed my time at Bethany, and more than anything I want to see the church and my students grow and thrive, but God laid it on my heart that it is no longer my job. It was not an easy realization, nor a happy one. But if I want my students to follow God's leading in their lives, I must do the same.

So now I am stepping out in faith. I know that it is time to move on to something new. I know that where I am is no longer where I need to be. But I have no idea what the next step is going to look like. I will be stepping down from my current position at the end of August and am trusting that God will take care of me. I am actively pursuing a job as a full time worship pastor or similar position, but, as yet, I do not have another job. I am terrified, excited, and whole mix of other emotions. But I know that, ultimately, it is in God's hands.